Things students say that generally don't impress me...

...particularly when they turn out not to be true (which happens at least 50% of the time):

1. "I already know how to [perform a straightforward, utterly formulaic and therefore not difficult, acontextual, and unintuitive computation] from taking this class in high school."

2. "I'm really good at writing papers, so I don't have to start them until the night before they're due."

3. "My high school teacher forced us to memorize all of these formulas."

(I hope not) to be continued...